she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
