No subtext here. People are naked.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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