the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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