It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
