her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
