There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
