I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
