those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
