Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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