so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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