The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
