We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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