drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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