i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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