my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
