Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
