do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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