By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
