OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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