Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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