You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
