I hate all girls vehemently.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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