He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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