Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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