I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
