maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
