JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
