it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
