Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
