He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
