someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
