I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
