so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
