He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
