He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
