his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize