I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
