i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
