no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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