Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize