he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
