I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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