I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
