I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
