Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
