Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize