he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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