can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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