dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
