I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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