This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
