How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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