So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
