i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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