cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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