So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
