It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize