Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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