I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
