I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
