My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
