Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
