why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize