Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
