You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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