But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
