1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
