found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize