Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
