I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize