OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
