wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
