By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize