Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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