batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
