Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
someone threw a dead crab at me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
