dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Actions speak louder than pants.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
