i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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