After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
