she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
