remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
as a side note pls kill me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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