i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
