The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize