Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
