I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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