tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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