can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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