I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
