Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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