It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
