2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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