i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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