I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Someone came in the potted fern
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
