I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've blown a few things in my day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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