Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
