Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
