I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
