i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
