saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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