woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
