Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
