My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
