peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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