I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
