nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
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