I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
