I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im holly from the hills drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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