I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize