grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize