so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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