the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
