I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
